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This weekend I was invited to my brothers for his annual testing night where he prepared several dishes for friends and family to give their feedback on as potential menu items for his two restaurants.

He, like I, was a former multi-sport athlete and has refrained from putting his kids in several sports due to the costs and what he eludes to “insanity” in terms of adult behaviour (coaches and parents) and applauds me every time we connect for taking it on head on.

It never seems to amaze me when I am at functions like this and meet new people and share what it is that I do how quickly I hear all the doom and gloom in youth sports from the parents or coaches taking the game way to serious, to kids quitting a game they once loved or discussions about the costs that have forced many to stop playing.

This night, however, was a little different although did hear some anecdotes about the bad, my wife and I had the opportunity to talk to one of his friends who was a former track and field athlete and now a teacher of socials for a high school and stepped up to coach the female track team.  She did so to give back, help the girls become better at the various track and field events but she also said she did so to help the girls become better people.  It was so satisfying to hear those words from a rookie coach in a sense (only in her second year of coaching) and the dialogue continued to revolve around the benefits of sport and seeing the smiles on her players faces with they improved on their times or skills.

I then talked to my brother’s best friend of many years, at last year’s function he stated he was going to put his hand up to coach his son’s hockey team and he shared with me how much fun he was having in his first year of coaching.  He never played hockey in his youth, but took it up in his 30’s and played recreationally and just loves the game as does his 7 year old son.

We talked about how my son (also of the same name as his) used to love the game at the same age but how quickly things changed once he entered the atom age group and beyond.  Gone were the days of smiling kids, laughter and parents merely loving watching their kids play, as the kids move from the recreational to the competitive stream it was a complete transformation … parents, coaches thought their kids would go the NHL (starting when kids were 9).

As our dialogue continued, he shared some of the things he was doing which literally mirrored what I did and continued to build on in my coaching journey of various sports and thought would be good to share;

1. He shared he had an amazing manager who communicated with the parent group from the onset via email and also implemented TeamSnap for scheduling, updates and what have you.

 

 Communication is key to a great season,  the first “volunteer” you need to recruit is a great manager so the can handle the paperwork n lieu of dealing with parents after the fact as a result, engage parents from the get go so all concerned can look back and go “that was a great year”

 

2. He also had a parent meeting as soon as his young H3 team was formed to discuss his philosophy that the goal for him and the entire team was for the boys to have fun.

 

Hmmm .. I wish more and more coaches would make this the number 1 priority as I shared with him that is why kids play and quit when it no longer is.  At the Atom Age group I also recommend coaches talk about code of conduct, zero tolerance for harassment, 24 hour rule in their parent meetings

 

3. He then talked about a survey that he did with all his parents that he shared the results with me that I have summarized below (all names, team, association etc not included for confidentiality reasons)

Hockey – Age Group Novice – 7 year old – All Boys

These were the questions on the survey and summary of results

1. What do you feel is your child’s greatest strengths and/or skills that apply to Hockey?

Answers – he is a good team player, understands space on the ice, understands positional play, is coachable/listener, well rounded, great work ethic, defensive minded, quick learner

2. What do you feel is your child’s weaknesses? Let me know if you know why he is weak on that as well as you can.

Answers:–

• Starts to day dream (he is 7), His stick handling could be a lot stronger (he is 7)
• He gets discouraged easily when teammates don’t play like he expects, he doesn’t feel challenged by the coach or team mates.  Also he can’t do crossovers very good … needs to improve his shooting technique
• Skating  – skating backwards
• He can be easily distracted at times
• He needs to try shooting using flex and needs to work on giving or receiving passes without flicking (did I mention they are 7)
• Is his first year playing hockey (H3 would only be 3^rd year) and is easily discouraged
• Confidence carrying the puck in traffic and puck shooting skills

3. What would you like most for your son to improve on this season?

Improve Hockey Stride – stick Handling/Puck Control – Crossovers – Shooting – Skating – Positioning – Work on his weak side (stopping, crossovers) – Speed –

#2 and 3 addressed the core hockey skills that takes YEARS to develop which is why Hockey Canada rolled out cross ice hockey and the Long Term Player Development Model. It takes over 10 years to develop all the core skills in hockey, so the key to coaching as well as parenting is patience and repetitions.  If you try to fast track (via specialization) chances are your child will quit (burnout), not develop other core motor skills and suffer overuse injuries.

The one that I was really happy to see…

We hope he develops a love for the game !

That is the role of every coach, 99% of kids will not play junior, collegiately or pro, our job is to instil that love of the game so they are active for life

The joke I share with coaches in every clinic;

Kids only care about two things after a game

1. First Question – What is the snack?
2. Last Question – When do we play again?

Fast forward 20+ years when you are parent and playing adult adult rec league hockey, slopitch

1. First Question – Where/How Much is the Beer ? (THE SNACK)
2. Last Question – When do you play again?

IT DOES NOT CHANGE if we love the game and have a positive experience, we remain big kids and still love the game, but sadly more and more kids are quitting by 13 due to all the issues affecting youth sports today

4. What would be the second most desirable improvement for this season?

Similar to answers to #3

5. What do you think your son will like most about playing hockey?

Having fun – Making Friends – Being on a Team – Improving his skills – Loves to score

Having surveyed 100’s of players over the past 10 years since I started asking the kids these are the top answers I received from kids as well

Others I never heard

• Not necessarily has to like or know the kids he plays with ? Loves being on a strong Team
• Winning Games! (2 of the parents answered)

In all the years I surveyed kids, not one said winning.  In Amanda Visek’s research where she came up with 81 characteristics why sports were fun, winning was one of the responses, but 48th on the list of 81.  Kids play for many other reasons other than winning, unfortunately due to the shift of adults competing with other adults thru kids winning has now become the focus for what should just be a game.

6. As a parent, what do you want most from me, your head coach, of which I can include other coach and Manager in all of our efforts this season, list a few things if you can.

• To continue to love the game and enjoy everything he does – improving his skills
• Most important part is having fun … but this is also time to focus on discipline * players should not be giving passes in front of their net (did I mention they are 7?)

Others were Kudo’s from the parents to the coaches

• I just want you to hang in there !! I totally trust what you are doing and really appreciate it. It’s a huge commitment and I like what you are doing so far.
• You are approachable, patient, fun and enjoy being on the ice with the team. We couldn’t be happier!
• Good Communication
• I think you guys are doing a great job

 

Parents today are taking a bad rap due to the awareness some parents are exposed in social media, my experience is 95% of parents are AWESOME, like those that provided Kudo’s appreciate coaching is a big time commitment. As I found out many years ago, once you have the coaches bug, you love being with kids and helping them improve.  It is great when we get accolades for doing so, not just from parents, but when the kids come up at the end of season to shake your hand and say “Thank you coach”

The reason I thought this would be good to share is to show the parent perspective and how it differs from the kids perspective

According to Amanda Visek’s Great work why kids play sports, the number one reason why they play is to have fun (coaches nailed it)

#1 reason sports are fun – getting to try their best

# 2 – Coach treats the players with respect (coaches are nailing it based on parent feedback)

#3 – Getting playing time (as now is cross ice and have buzzer all players get equal playing time in games but I cautioned the coach to ensure that he adheres to going forward as there are firm fair ice policies in the recreational level)

#4 – When play well as a team (covered by many of the parents, many of the kids are making new friends)

#5 – When get along with team mates (need to ask the kids vs. getting parents input and and ensure have zero tolerance for any forms of harassment)

Aside from a few replies from parents who can tell played hockey themselves (positional play, using flex of stick) majority of the parents shared great insight for the coach to base his season plan on.

The other suggestion I passed along was now that he has the goals and objectives from the parents, ask the kids directly before a game or practice

1. Why do you play Hockey ? They will all answer fun
2. What is fun about hockey? Many of the reasons parents shared but there will be others like “I Love the Snacks” “I love the Pool Parties”
3. What is not fun about hockey? This is the age group that I first started my informal survey so for most part the answers were things like early risings (6AM practices), driving long distances to play (can be 60 minute drives to some rinks) but also started to hear rumblings about parents or coaches being too hard/critical.

As kids got older (starting 9/10 yrs old) – then heard adult criticism, ride home and older still heard when were criticized by team mates, bullying and other forms of harassment.

If you don’t believe the parent survey, my informal survey, then maybe you will believe the kids what the love and don’t about sports.

See great video below from Play by the Rules, Let Kid’s Be Kids

SSSSHHH … or Go to Church.

It’s not like its the World Cup.

Let’s all work together to bring the game back to the kids … where it belongs