“Just go out there, have fun and see what happens.”
Doug Orr, late father of Bobby Orr.
As we head into another school year and myriad of fall sports where players are hitting the ice, soccer fields, courts after some well deserved down time, felt it was a good opportunity to share the reasons why kids do play their respective sports and why they are quitting.
As I share with coaches, parents, sports administrators (the adults in sport) in every presentation I do, the number 1 reason why kids play sports is that it is fun. I started seeing this being the case as early as Atom Age Group (9-10 yr.old) where players did not return the following year and it really started to escalate at 12 and 13 years old. Every instance when I would talk to them or their parents, the #1 reason was they were not having fun anymore. When my son decided to quit hockey after his Bantam A1 hockey for the same reason it was the straw that broke the camel’s back in a sense for me.
I think Bobby Orr was a pretty good hockey player don’t you? Many kids today only know that from their parents that he was and due to how he played, he literally changed the game of hockey for defensemen to be more involved in the offensive side of the game.
Bobby in his book, My Story, shared how his Dad never coached him on any of his teams, merely would drive him to all his ice times until he got older and as he was leaving the car would say, Bobby, “just go out there, have fun, and see what happens”. Most of his time on the ice was on the pond in Parry Sound where he did just that, and he attributes all that unorganized free play for the reason why he became the player he did.
My mother asked me to pick up Bobby’s book, My story, so she could give to my son for Christmas, but sadly she passed away in October that year from her fight with cancer. I still gave him the book on Christmas Day (with many tears in our eyes as it was the first Christmas without her) and both he and I read over the Christmas Break. The quote then became a mainstay every time I dropped him off for various activities, and now I ask him to share and when he does so has a HUGE smile on his face. Why, because we both realized that sport was just that, an opportunity to be active, be with friends and PLAY. Like many other families, we did get caught up in the madness with AAA Hockey but as more and more players quit it was too much for me, regardless if unorganized, recreational or competitive level, youth sports should provide that opportunity to just go out there, have fun and see what happens.
Sadly as kids no longer participate in unstructured sports like I, Bobby or others from the prior generation, we are now have to “organize” unorganized sport so that kids have the same free play experiences as we did when we were kids. See segment below how a coach in Oklahoma is providing kids an opportunity to play unorganized baseball.
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I still think they need to work on, as parents should not only be be prohibited from interacting, to ensure that happens they should merely drop the kids off and pickup them up with the coach prompts them to do so. The coach should just be there to supervise as a compromise. I also question why their is an umpire?
One of the players that was interviewed shared he would rather play unorganized baseball than the format he normally plays and asked the journalist to tell his Dad. Imagine if there were no parents, coaches or officials like it was in our generation? The boy would NEVER want to play organized sport again due to the adultification of youth sports.
Why? Because he gets an opportunity to play with friends, they make up their own rules and no adults are permitted to interfere. Like when Bobby played on the pond, when a goal was scored, no coach or parent would be their to scream at them and they would merely go to the net, get the puck and continue playing. As the parents were not present, they would not be able to comment on anything they did in the game, merely ask them if they had fun and if they would like to pick up a snack which is what the ride home should be.
When our son opted not to play in his first year of Midget, it was also tough on us as a family, as both my wife and I frequently that season would say how much we missed watching him play. One of the reasons he decided to quit hockey was due to the fact he had many coaches at the AAA level think nothing of playing the favorites and he was deprived of power play, penalty kill and even even strength shifts so short term focused coaches could win games. Probably the worst example was his Bantam AAA coach who sat him and a team mate for over 35 minutes in the final game of a tournament due to a strategy he executed backfiring that made it a 1 goal game. After the game he said “I am pissed because I was deprived the opportunity to contribute to the outcome.
I will never forget those words, and it set the wheels in motion for me to do what I can to bring the game back to the kids.
To ensure that you are not a kid’s last coach, here are the top 5 reasons why it’s fun (the number one reason) to play sports;
- To be the best they can be (work on their skills)
- When a coach treats them with respect
- When they get playing time
90% of kids would rather play on a losing term (in all situations) then sit on a bench for a winning team
- When they play well as a team
- When they get along with their team mates
Source: Amanda Visek, University of Washington DC
Why did my son and so many other players I have talked to over the years quit a game they once loved as early as 10-11 years old?
Because it was no longer FUN.
Top 5 reasons why sport is no longer fun;
- Coach criticism when they made mistakes
- Parents doing the same from the stands
- When coaches played their favorites
- The Ride Home – This should not be the time for criticism, it should be the time for the kids to decompress, listen to their preferred music and snack. Share with them how much you love watching them play.
- It became a job, as adults recommended they focus on one sport at 7 years old (early sport specialization). Do you know what truly you want to do in life? Do you know what your purpose is?
Then how can we as adults tell a 7 year old that they will only play one sport and deprive them of sampling all the other great sports and activities they should until they pursue the one the love the most in their late teens.
Check out this video touching on the extremes of early specialization put together by Get More Out of Sport.
It is no wonder why kids are putting up the white flag and 70% are quitting all sports before they enter high school if adults are expecting to starting working full time in a sport well before they have sampled other sports to find the one they truly love.
To ensure that your son or daughter is not one of the 7 of 10 that do so, please do you part to support them like Bobby’s Dad did many years ago and just love watching them play and tell them before every practice, game “just go out there, have fun and see what happens”
They should head to the field, be on the field and come off with a huge smile on their face so they develop a love for the game and are active for life.
Let’s work together to bring the game back to the kids … where it belongs.
