Youth Sports parents – PARADIGM Sports

The Reality of Youth Sports

Posted October 20, 2021January 27, 2022 Glen MulcahyPosted in Coach, Organization Executive, Parents

It is about ½ way through this year’s hockey clinic season and like last year, I have been running virtual online clinics every weekend and will until the end of November.

Each clinic, there are another group of 40’sh coaches in the various levels of the Hockey Canada NCCP program that are starting their coaching journies and literally every clinic the same issue comes to light with the high expectations that parents have for their kids.

Ironically, before the clinic season wrapped up I made a road trip to the Kootenays where my in-laws have a mobile home we have visited for many years in the spring/summer for some R&R. We always take a day to walk “the town” and visit local used bookstores and every time we do so I find a book that I then read while there for a few days.

This past trip, I came across one of the best reads I have found to date that will be one of my top 10 book recommendations for coaches, players and athletes written by Gary Mack, former acclaimed Sport Psychologist in the USA that worked with hundreds of high-profile athletes and teams in a plethora of sports called “Mind Gym – An Athlete’s Guide to Inner Excellence”.

There are many great nuggets and quotes in his book that I will reference in future in terms of tips for coaches, parents and athletes.

The book was released in 2001, ironically the same year of one of the worst tragedies the world has ever faced, 911, but also the same year of the launch of the iPod and iTunes, as well as Microsoft’s first Xbox. Since that time iPod morphed into the Touch and then the “World’s first smartphone according to Apple iPhone (which is not the case, it was the Blackberry)” and the world as we know changed where now these smartphones can cost in excess of $2K. My son shared with me the other day that one of his good friends just both the new Xbox 5 for close to the same although the go to street price is supposed to be 499.99 due to bent up demand due to COVID impacting production

What I found fascinating about Gary’s book was the fact that one of the last chapters of the book “The Well-Played Game” he talks about the various issues revolving around youth sports that was pushing kids out of the game in his experience in the USA.

THIS WAS 20 YEARS AGO!!!

I started down this path initially to become a Hockey Canada NCCP instructor over a decade ago as I also saw many of the trends that are still commonplace today not only in the USA, but have become global issues

• Exceedingly high and unrealistic parent expectations for their kids to get a NCAA Div 1 Full Ride Scholarship

The Reality is international tuition for the schools that do offer athletic scholarships can be over $40K USD per year (approx. 55K CDN based on current exchange) and if athletes do get a scholarship, more often than not is a partial in the area of 8K so that still means parents will be out of pocket over 30K year or approx. 150K CDN over the course of 4 years.

As I have shared with every parent over the years, if this is what you are aspiring for, in lieu you should start a RESP when they are young and by the time they are old enough for university you would have saved enough

• Aspiring for their kids to play professionally in the money sports like NHL, NBA, NFL, MLB

The Reality – only .03% of kids will reach this level from minor sports and other than Tennis, Golf that have developed their female professional programs, female professional sports are really difficult to make a living at playing professionally, many have to have full time jobs and play the sports due to the disparity for men’s vs. women’s professional sports (which I wish the other pro sports would take the lead the WNBA has but that is another issue for a future post)

• Fast tracking their development by having them specialize in a sport year-round to chase the 10,000-hour rule that was made famous by Malcolm Gladwell in his book Outliers in 2008

This has been argued by yours truly and many others since is wrong, including two amazing well researched books written by David Epstein “The Sports Gene” (2013) and “Range” (2019) among many others in recent years. Below is an interview panel that Malcolm did with David highlighting key takeaways from his book Range, highlighting why being a generalist first, then specializing later is the better path

• The focus that parents, coaches and even athletes have at the recreational level (the majority) looking at the professional level focusing on winning at all costs when even those playing and coaching at that level focus on the process of development, loving the game, where winning is not the focus, it is the by product

The fact that Gary highlighted issues that are still relevant, in many cases, worse than they were 2 decades back sadly for me was painful reminder that we still have so much work ahead of us to bring the game back to the kids BUT fortunately I am seeing a positive shift in interactions with adults involved in youth sports in recent years than when I first started seeing these trends start coming to fruition en masse. Many recognize we need to make organized sports more positive, focus on fun, as well as the importance of unstructured free play but as the cliché goes, it takes a village for us to get there.

As I share with all the coaches that ask how they can deal with parents that have unrealistic expectations, the more education we can provide to all the adults that are involved in youth sports, the sooner we will continue to see the needle move back where kids play the games they love again without the pressures and fear of making mistakes or working the sport that is leading to such early attrition rates.

Although we have made headway, last year just before COVID, Project Play published data that 62% of kids in the USA are quitting organized sports by the age of 11, after only playing organized sports for 3 years.

This is a video that was produced called “Don’t Retire Kid”

We never will get back to the pre-internet era where kids played for hours on end without coaches, parents, officials like our past generation did, but we need to find the happy medium where kids do just that … PLAY without fear of making mistakes and ultimately come back year after year to various organized sports with big smiles on their faces.

Let’s all work together to bring the game back to the kids.

Kudos to Great Sports Parents

Posted March 13, 2021January 27, 2022 Glen MulcahyPosted in Coach, Early Sport Specialization, Parents, Uncategorized

Having lost my father at a very young age, and being fortunate to have such an amazing mother who raised me and my brother as a single parent, as well as all the amazing coaches and teachers who took me under their wing who were parents themselves, is one of the driving reasons why I have worked tirelessly in recent years to support all those parents in the youth sports space.

As I have traveled across Canada doing workshops, talks over the years, and over the last 12 month virtually, by far the #1 question I get asked is “how do I deal with parents” and the first thing that I have shared is they need to revisit “dealing with” and in lieu engage parents as integral part of your team. Regardless of what level you are coaching, whether it be recreational sports for kids U13 or competitive levels U18 and everything in between, if coaching youth sports the athletes you coach will parents or guardians.

The sooner that you recognize that they can help you taking on volunteer roles like manager, treasurer, fundraising coordinators, assistant coaches and so on vs. alienating them, the sooner that you will be able to lead your teams to have amazing seasons in lieu of ones that are cluttered with issues that coaches come to me over and over again.

Due to the evolution of the internet and social media over the last couple of decades literally daily there are posts highlighting parents who are screaming at kids during various sports events, criticizing officials, players and even coaches but they represent only a small % of youth sports parents, the majority that I have hand the privilege to interact with in my 20+ years of coaching have been amazingly supportive who truly love their kids and LOVE to watch them play.

My mother was one of those parents, she was at the majority of the games that I am my brother played in the various sports the played and then did the same for our kids as the proud grandmother (Nanny) and after each time she came to see them in sports, drama, band or any other activities they pursued would come to them as she did for me an my brother and say just how much she loved to watch us play.

With the recent passing of the greatest Hockey Dad of all time, Walter Gretzky, my thoughts and prayers for the family in this difficult time, as it brought back a flood of memories for me, both of my mother who I sadly lost in 2013 to he long fight with cancer, but the passing of my father tragically when I was 8 Years old 1/2 way through the baseball season that he had committed to coach me for the first time.

Although I shared with my mother and Nanny during the days that followed that I was going to quit baseball as a result, they said I had to finish the season as that is what my father would have wanted. Fortunately I did and learned one of the many life lessons I did from sport about the importance of commitment.

I share this with you because I also made a commitment before I had kids to ensure that I supported them to the best of my ability, which included thousands of hours coaching them and their team mates (my extended adopted family) on various teams and sports over the years.

One of the hardest conversations that I ever had was when my son shared with me that he was going to quit hockey when he was 15, 2 years beyond the global trend where kids are quitting by the age of 13, but for all of the reasons that I have shared in talks where I learned that I neglected to ask him at the beginning of every season if he wanted to keep playing hockey, in lieu assumed much like had since he was 5 years old and started playing organized hockey.

The reasons that he shared he was quitting had to do a lot with the winning at all costs coach that he had the prior season who thought nothing of running short benches including the game that was the straw that broke the camel’s back for me when he sat my son and two team mates for better part of last game in a tournament but he had dedicated to his Nanny (my mother) prior to the game who he lost just a month prior and was there for her last breath by her bedside.

He also shared that he was not having fun anymore, that he wanted to explore other sports and activities like band, drama, robotics and list goes on.

It was an eye opener for me which is why I encourage every youth sports parent to ensure that you support them try as many sports as possible as you never know what they will fall in love with.

Like me, he tried volleyball and Rugby that school year (Grade 10) and fell in love with Rugby and played until he graduated high school and aspired to play club rugby after he graduated from college but then COVID hit so will have to wait until next year to do so.

Although he took the season off as a first year U18, he did ask if could play again the following year and he tried out and made the AAA team even though he missed a full year of “development” (in the minor hockey system as people have been sharing with me over the years too many kids are playing too many games and not practicing enough)

In essence, he got his love for the game back as he had a break, a break that I should have clued into he needed as his parent, but like many parents, I “assumed” that he wanted to keep playing year after year, so from that point going forward I asked both him and my daughter if they wanted to keep playing or try other sports.

I can’t emphasize enough for you to do so with your kids, and also the importance of recognizing that their journey will be over before you know it.

Now that both my kids have aged out of youth sports, although the craziness of driving the to all their practices, games, and other activities were insane at times (especially when they overlapped and had to decide how to juggle), the one thing that my son and I did after he took that season off was read “Bobby’s Orr’s – My Story”

One of the biggest takeaways in thet book he and my son had was the fact that Bobby’s Dad, Doug, unlike Wayne’s Dad Walter, never coached Bobby. What he did do, however, like all the other amazing youth sports parents that rarely get acknowledge for being so supportive like all those we call the silent majority (over 90% of sports parents are supportive, positive) vs. the vocal minority (the 5-10% of parents who are the ones screaming at kids, officials, coaches) in the stands.

Doug would be that parent like many that drove Bobby to all of his practices, games and share with him the following quote below;

When my son did return back to junior camps, his junior spring hockey team, and other teams when I was dropping him off for practices, games or other activities I would ask him … Hey Bud .. .what are you going to do today?

His answer every time was …

Dad, I am just going to go out there, have fun, and see what happens with a HUGE smile on his face.

He would still be playing adult recreational hockey this season had we not been dealing with COVID, but for me, and for every parent, coach I interact with, our greatest reward is to ensure that our kids or players love the game more at the end of the season and play well into their adulthood with those same huge smiles so we can continue to Love Watching Them Play.