One of the 5 takeaways I share in every talk, workshop or clinic is the importance for coaches to make the environment for their players safe, as the hockey world has recently coming to terms with the Kyle Beech tragedy and the dominoes that are falling, it is just another painful and emotional reminder why we need to make it safe from all forms of harassment that I wrote on in 2017.
The other area that I have been advocating for years is the importance for coaches to make it safe to fail, unlike the coaches and parents that are highlighted time and time again in social media for their outbursts towards kids as players, officials, I have always been a believe thanks to the coaches that I had growing up to encourage to make mistakes in practices and even in games and have fun when they do so.
WHAT ?
Recommend they make mistakes, the uglier the better … what if they coughed up the puck that lead to a goal, fumbled the ball that lead to a touchdown by opposing teams, missed that free throw or field goal that could have won the game and son on.
Hmmm … there have been just a few players that were pretty good that made a ton of mistakes, but had they not done so, never would have achieved their milestones and become some of the best ever to play their respective sports.

Reggie Jackson/Babe Ruth
Reggie Jackson holds the record to this day of the most strikeouts of any player in MLB history (2597) but was touted year over year in his Hall of Fame Career as Mr. October where his bat would hit many out of the park, much like Babe Ruth who did the same decades back.

Another recent example is Mason Crosby missing 3 field goals in regulation but made the 4th to win the game in overtime for the Cheeseheads (Green Bay Packers) against the Cincinatti Bengals (whose kicker also missed 2 field goal attempts in the same game)
This was a complete surprise for all those that watched as Mason had only missed 2 field goals in the last 2 seasons combined !
Why was he to make the 4th field goal? Because he had the support of their teammates, coaches, managers who recognized that mistakes would happen and once they did, were history, was time to move on to the next play. This is in a league that is focused on winning, the top sport in the world in terms of revenue with millions of dollars in player salaries, billions of dollars in TV and merchandising revenue NOT community youth sports.
Sadly in today’s era of youth sports where it has become adultified, where adults are competing with other adults thru their kids, gone are the days where kids play without fear of failure which was prevalent in free play (i.e. pond hockey, pickup basketball, sandlot baseball) where there were no adults present (no coaches, parents or officials), it has lead to increasing attrition rates as a result.
In lieu of focusing on the results, wins/losses, goals/assists, focus on the process of development, ensure that kids are having fun and winning will be the byproduct vs. the focus.
Growth Mindset
One of my top recommendations for books for coaches, parents and youth sports leaders I the book Mindset by Carol Dweck who shares the differences between the fixed and growth mindset.
Those with a fixed mindset believe that their skills are fixed due to DNA, they don’t believe in working to improve, and fear failure so would focus on simpler tasks. Those with the growth mindset however, believe they are not that good YET, and will put in the effort to improve and recognize making mistakes is part of the process.
A perfect example of a coach that has incorporated the growth mindset with their team is Karch Karaly, voted best men’s volleyball player in sand and courts of all time, in 2012 he became the head coach of the US Women’s Volleyball team soon after he read Carol’s book and as I have shared in past their team white board encourages the players to make UGLY mistakes so they develop.

He has lead the team to their first gold medal at an international event in 2013, and medaled at the three Olympic games under his watch, including Gold at this years summer games in Korea.
In order for us to reverse the negative trends we have seen in youth sports for over a decade, we need to create an environment for not only for our players where it is safe for them to fail, but also for the young officials.
Sadly, we lose 50% of young officials in many sports (especially what I refer to as the money sports, Hockey, Baseball, Football, Basketball and Soccer) in their FIRST YEAR.
Why?
The #1 reason is due to the abuse they are taking from the adults in the stands or along the sidelines.
We subsequently lose 30% on average every year so we are literally are constantly recruiting and not allowing time to mentor and train these young officials so they can hone their craft which just creates this vicious circle.
To give you some numbers, in Canada, we have approximately 30,000 officials registered across Canada to ref minor hockey games, and every year we lose over 10,000!!!
This is not a recent trend, this has been the case since I started running Hockey Clinics over a decade ago.
It is the reason why Hockey Canada and USA Hockey came up with the campaign “Relax it’s just a game” in 2007 … 14 years ago
The focus was more on parents who are coaching or critiquing their kids, but I have also seen my share of coaches do the same towards players and officials.
Ironically, during a recent clinic that I was running, at the lunch break just before we all shut down out audio/video a coach shared with me and those that were still in the room (we have shifted to online virtual clinics in part due to COVID, in part due to efficiencies) and he shared that two parents were fighting in the stands at a U11 minor hockey game and the Police had been called in.
This was not a the zone or academy level where parental expectations are even higher (due largely due to the costs financially and time).
Time after time each time I run a clinic coaches share similar analogies how other coaches are running short benches to win games, parents are screaming from the stands or in parking lots, the ride home (or to) games/practices.
The saddest analogy and driving reason for me to continue running clinics to shift the needle is when a coach stood up to introduce himself in a in person clinic and said the reason he started to coach is his 8 year old daughter shared with him why she wanted to quit Hockey at the end of the season.
He said, with emotion in voice and tears in his eyes which made the rest of us in the room do the same (including yours truly)….
“My daughter told me that she was going to quit because she was scared of making mistakes.”
Until we make youth sports safe to fail again like it was in prior generations, we will continue to experience high rates of attrition, so if you are an adult involved in youth sports (parent, coach, administrator) please provide the players under your watch that opportunity to do so.




