Tag: Communication

How to engage, not deal with, Parents

Posted Glen MulcahyPosted in Athlete, Coach, Organization Executive, Parents

As we are about a month away now from fall seasons of various seasons starting to ramp up in hockey, ringette, basketball, soccer, volleyball, and other fall sports I thought this would be a good time to share some insight on the importance of engaging parents so that you can ultimately avoid some of the parental issues that coaches run into.

For many years I have shared out a video from Don Lucia for hockey clinics, his keynote address at the University of Minnesota to coincide with USA Hockey’s roll-out of their ADM (American Development Model) and he stars the keynote by saying;

 

 

“People think that I have the best job in the world (Head Coach of University of Minnesota Men’s Division I Hockey Team) but I would say that the best job would be the head coach in an orphanage ….. NO parents to deal with” Don Lucia

I immediately share with all the coaches that I will provide insight over the course of the one or two-day clinic how they can avoid dealing with, rather engage parents, to set themselves up for a great season.

This week I received an email from a coach mentor asking me for some insight how coaches can deal with various forms of conflict on their teams including how to deal with team conflicts, when team parents divide into to which I replied back it all comes down to how the coaches start the season and subsequent meetings as every team will go thru forming – storming – norming – performing stages that we shared in prior post “Coaching your team to grow, tackle challenges and deliver”

Probably the #1 question I have had from coaches over the years is “how do I deal with parents” which then leads into a conversation where I reinforce the importance of engaging and supporting parents vs. dealing with them when they have issues.

As the old cliché goes, prevention is 99% of the cure, and one of the things that I learned very early coaching youth sports teams of both girls and boys was the importance of being proactive, vs. reactive, with my parent group and recognizing they were part of the team.

As the years have evolved, the dynamics of “parents” has changed also with single parents, divorced/separated, guardians or parents that are members of the LGBTQ community so has required adaptation as gone are the days where Dad is the breadwinner and Mom stays at home to raise the kids and take care of the house due to raising costs of mortgages and overall cost of living.

We also are now starting to work with several organizations who have identified the importance of parental support/education in part to address the issues that now seems commonplace with parents acting up in the stands/sidelines of games screaming or even getting into physical altercations with officials, coaches and players.

So how can you ENGAGE and support your parent group?

 

 

#1 – Start off by working on your seasonal plan well before the season starts to include;

  1. Practice Themes by month
  2. Game Schedules home and away
  3. Tournaments (ensure for out of town parents vote on)
  4. Timing and agenda’s for meet the coaches, parent-only meeting, player meeting(s), parent and player meetings, finance meetings and any others that will provide insight in terms of the ship going in the RIGHT direction

One of the main points to cover in all meetings is the reasons why kids PLAY, to begin with, which could even include sharing surveys of players which I have done for years, ask all your players as teams are formed the following;

 

  1. Why do you play X (whatever sport you are coaching)
  2. What is fun about it (#1 reason is fun)
  3. What is not fun about it?
  4. What support would you like from us (Coaches) and your parents?

BEST way – do this as an exercise in your player/parent meeting and ask parents similar questions then review to ensure that parents expectations align with the players (more often than not their expectations are results orientated (win the championship) and players are process orientated (make friends, get better at my skills)

Other items to consider for seasonal planning:

  1. Development focus and contracts with any third party development organizations (i.e. for dryland, skills coaches to come to practices, strength and conditioning, sport psychologists, nutritionists) contingent on the level that you are coaching.
  2. Baseline, Mid and End of Season Testing of players to PROVE that they have developed over the course of the season
  3. Individual and Team Goal Setting
  4. Identification of Team Values and Culture
  5. Communication preferences (i.e. Team Snap for the calendar, updates), email for meetings, face to face for issues (no email/text as they can be taking out of context and go viral)
  6. Budget flow (initial and subsequent cheques needed to cover team expenses)

 

#2 – The Meetings

A. Parents/Players meet the coaches – this is the opportunity for parents and players to meet coaches of teams BEFORE the season starts so the coaches can share their backgrounds, why they coach, their philosophies and executive summary of their seasonal plan

B. Parent Meeting once teams are formed – this is when coaches would do a deep dive into their philosophy, why they coach, backgrounds, goals for the team and players for the season and also touch on things like finance (budget), recruiting volunteers (manager, treasurer, safety people, assistant coaches, tournament coordinator, team parent, den dads/moms, snack coordinator, jersey keepers etc). This is also the time when coaches share their expectations for parental behavior in the stands/sidelines at games, practices or any other team function.

C. Team Meeting(s) – I traditionally have 3 early in the season (a) meet the coaches to share same info shared to parents, (b) ask players to come up with core values for THEIR team (coaches are merely the facilitators) and (c) Reviewing discipline for various forms of harassment (zero tolerance for any form)

D. Player/Parent Meeting – Review codes of conduct and all sign off on so can hold them accountable, review team goals, reinforce the importance for parents to understand reasons why their kids are playing and their goals

E. Coach Meeting(s) – One of the biggest challenges that newer head coaches have is they fall short in terms of recognizing that their assistant coaches also can provide valuable insight in terms of the team, practice playing, seasonal planning and also should be assigned specific responsibilities (head coach – big picture, assistants to work with goalies, defense and offense)

Communication – Coaches should share insight every week about team progress, scheduling, goals for practices, tips for parents and players, resources so all are on board. As the cliché goes, it takes a village to raise a child and is important that everyone is on board so that the ship moves in the right direction

 

#3 – Make it Fun

Depending on the sport, the season can be 3 months to as long as 8 so a few times per season I encourage coaches to have practices and event team events including parents so that they can develop chemistry.

Early season tournaments are a good means to do this, other activities may include things like non-related pickup sports activities like renting a gym and playing other sports where parents have opportunities to participate OR go to a theme park, play mini-golf, movies, the beach, biking and so forth.

One of the activities that I did with my Novice Hockey Team we named “Game On” and our kids would go to one of the parent’s houses on Sundays that we did not have games (our practices were during the week) and the players would play street hockey.

It started out pretty formally, parents would drop off their players for an hour only like it was a practice or game, but as the weeks, months evolved in the season the boys would ask can we PLAY longer, and Sunday happened to be NFL games parents would go inside to watch a game while the players played then parents were invited to join for GAME ON at times.

Playing street hockey as a parent with 8-year-old kids was so much fun for me and all the other parents.

In essence, whatever you can do to develop relationships not just with your players, but your parent group will set you up for a great season.

Let’s all work together to bring the game back to the kids … where it belongs

 

Don`t be a kids last coach

 

 BONUS – Download a free printable PDF of this blog HERE

 

Copyright 2019

PARADIGM Sports

The Top 10 Characteristics of great coaches

Posted Glen MulcahyLeave a commentPosted in Athlete, Coach, Organization Executive, Parents, Uncategorized
This is an update to last years post that I posted in December 2017 as I have continued to interact with coaches at conferences and clinics and ask them; What are the top 3 qualities of the greatest coach (or teacher, manager) you ever had? Last fall our co-op student created a tracking sheet to summarize all the characteristics that I had recorded by various means and now our “informal” database is just shy of 1000 coaches, board members and even parents. By no means is this a formal research study, but the below pie chart outlines the updated results for the top 10 characteristics;
Just as it was last year, and every time I do the exercise, the Number 1 characteristic was the coaches cared about their players. This also was one of the characteristics when I talked to the amazing guest speakers in our summer and winter digital summits we hosted thru our digital arm For the Love of the Game. Number 1 (always)
Not only do they care about helping them develop into the best athletes they can be, but the best people. This is what John Wooden, Clare Drake, Phil Jackson in past and current coaches like Pete Carroll, Mike Kryzyzewski, Sean McVay and others have demonstrated or shared with journalists what was really important to them as they guided their teams to achieve at the highest level. Coaches that care, not only teach the skills of the game, but the skills of life. Number 2  (moreso the reason kids play but coaches must foster an engaging environment for it to be fun)
Another of the top characteristics was they coaches made the experience fun, both in games and practices as well as other team activity. Many misinterpret that I am not competitive because my philosophy of coaching is “FUNdamentals, not winning, at all costs”. Like all the great coaches who worked on the process of developing all players on their teams that lead to results on the scoreboard, I know how important it is for players to have fun, even on the most competitive teams. As I have been saying for years;
Mike Babcock, now the highest paid NHL coach with Stanley Cup, World Championship and Olympic Gold achievements on his resume is another one of those great coaches. When he became the coach of the Toronto Maple Leafs, he shared that his main role was to develop all the players into great young men. Prior to the 2010 Olympic Gold Medal game, when he was coaching some of the best players in the WORLD at the time, when asked by the media what he told the team before the game he said “I just told them to go out there and have fun.” Many people think when kids they just want to have fun that it means goofing off, but kids actually don’t want their team mates to do so they want to play, the want to compete, they want play for the love of the game. That is what fun is. Number 3:
When Amanda Visek did her groundbreaking study and identified the 81 characteristics of what is fun in youth sports, the number 2 reason, second only to having the opportunity to try your best was when coaches treated players with respect
Although I would NEVER consider myself to be in the same company as John Wooden, his three rules are very similar to mine and his third was “Never criticize your teammates”, mine is Respect. Respect yourself, teammates, coaches, officials, other teams, parents, class mates, parents and so on. I believe respect is a two-way street, if coaches respect their players then they players will in turn respect their coaches and vice versa. Sadly, although the many coaches in youth sports do respect their players, there are coaches that think nothing of screaming at a player, singling them out in front of the teams, criticizing their mistakes over and over again and other ways that are not only disrespectful but crossing the fine line from demanding (pushing players to be their best) to demeaning (belittling players). It is no wonder why 70% are quitting by the age of 13 in majority of sports, but as I recently found out due to changes that USA hockey made to focus on fun, ensure the coaches respect their players and recognizing that it is all about the kids, they have moved the needle where they only lose 8% of their kids by the age 13. Number 4:
One of the key takeaways for every talk that I do for coaches is “Care Passionately“.  For me, caring and passion go hand in hand, when coaches are truly passionate for their sport, the kids will become passionate. When I think of the greatest coaches I had in many sports, same held true for me, they took on the role as father figure and truly cared about me become a better player, but also a well rounded person.  Many of which were so passionate about the game I could not follow suit which is one of the reasons why I played so many growing up. The remaining top 10 characteristics from our 2018 summary include great communicators, were positive, patient, encouraging, fair and listened. Coaches can also fill the gap for kids like me who lost their father at a young age to guide them, mentor them, and steer them out of trouble if they head down that path. Great teachers do the same, if it had not been for my Grade 12 French Teacher who took me aside one day and said “you can do better” after I acted up in class for the umpteenth time who knows where I would have ended up. She was the one that motivated me to pursue post-secondary education and as a result I was the first of all my cousins from both our extended Roman Catholic Families (over 30 first cousins) to graduate from University and one of my proudest moments as my Nanny (grandmother) was there to see me accept my degree. Think back when you grew up, did you ever take a class in school and thought you would HATE it like calculus, accounting, history, literature? Then to you surprise you ending up loving the course – Why? Because your teacher was so passionate about the subject. Same holds true for youth sports … if coaches are passionate about all aspects of the game they will instill that same passion in their players so they love the game more at the end of the season than they did at the beginning. Other – the list of other responses were endless but included characteristics like calm, challenging, committed, confident, consistent, disciplined, demanding (not demeaning), energetic, enthusiastic, fair, firm, forgiving, genuine, trustful, inspiring, integrity, invested, kind, listens, motivator, organized, personable, positive, role model, teacher and leader. In addition to care passionately and making it fun, please make it safe (to fail and for all forms of harassment), teach skills and lastly …..

Don’t be a Kid’s Last Coach