Category: Coach

Kudos to Great Sports Parents

Posted Glen MulcahyPosted in Coach, Early Sport Specialization, Parents, Uncategorized

Having lost my father at a very young age, and being fortunate to have such an amazing mother who raised me and my brother as a single parent, as well as all the amazing coaches and teachers who took me under their wing who were parents themselves, is one of the driving reasons why I have worked tirelessly in recent years to support all those parents in the youth sports space.

As I have traveled across Canada doing workshops, talks over the years, and over the last 12 month virtually, by far the #1 question I get asked is “how do I deal with parents” and the first thing that I have shared is they need to revisit “dealing with” and in lieu engage parents as integral part of your team.  Regardless of what level you are coaching, whether it be recreational sports for kids U13 or competitive levels U18 and everything in between, if coaching youth sports the athletes you coach will parents or guardians.

The sooner that you recognize that they can help you taking on volunteer roles like manager, treasurer, fundraising coordinators, assistant coaches and so on vs. alienating them, the sooner that you will be able to lead your teams to have amazing seasons in lieu of ones that are cluttered with issues that coaches come to me over and over again.

Due to the evolution of the internet and social media over the last couple of decades literally daily there are posts highlighting parents who are screaming at kids during various sports events, criticizing officials, players and even coaches but they represent only a small % of youth sports parents, the majority that I have hand the privilege to interact with in my 20+ years of coaching have been amazingly supportive who truly love their kids and LOVE to watch them play.

My mother was one of those parents, she was at the majority of the games that I am my brother played in the various sports the played and then did the same for our kids as the proud grandmother (Nanny) and after each time she came to see them in sports, drama, band or any other activities they pursued would come to them as she did for me an my brother and say just how much she loved to watch us play.

With the recent passing of the greatest Hockey Dad of all time, Walter Gretzky, my thoughts and prayers for the family in this difficult time, as it brought back a flood of memories for me, both of my mother who I sadly lost in 2013 to he long fight with cancer, but the passing of my father tragically when I was 8 Years old 1/2 way through the baseball season that he had committed to coach me for the first time.

 

Although I shared with my mother and Nanny during the days that followed that I was going to quit baseball as a result, they said I had to finish the season as that is what my father would have wanted.  Fortunately I did and learned one of the many life lessons I did from sport about the importance of commitment.

I share this with you because I also made a commitment before I had kids to ensure that I supported them to the best of my ability, which included thousands of hours coaching them and their team mates (my extended adopted family) on various teams and sports over the years.

One of the hardest conversations that I ever had was when my son shared with me that he was going to quit hockey when he was 15, 2 years beyond the global trend where kids are quitting by the age of 13, but for all of the reasons that I have shared in talks where I learned that I neglected to ask him at the beginning of every season if he wanted to keep playing hockey, in lieu assumed much like had since he was 5 years old and started playing organized hockey.

The reasons that he shared he was quitting had to do a lot with the winning at all costs coach that he had the prior season who thought nothing of running short benches including the game that was the straw that broke the camel’s back for me when he sat my son and two team mates for better part of last game in a tournament but he had dedicated to his Nanny (my mother) prior to the game who he lost just a month prior and was there for her last breath by her bedside.

He also shared that he was not having fun anymore, that he wanted to explore other sports and activities like band, drama, robotics and list goes on.

It was an eye opener for me which is why I encourage every youth sports parent to ensure that you support them try as many sports as possible as you never know what they will fall in love with.

Like me, he tried volleyball and Rugby that school year (Grade 10) and fell in love with Rugby and played until he graduated high school and aspired to play club rugby after he graduated from college but then COVID hit so will have to wait until next year to do so.

Although he took the season off as a first year U18, he did ask if could play again the following year and he tried out and made the AAA team even though he missed a full year of “development” (in the minor hockey system as people have been sharing with me over the years too many kids are playing too many games and not practicing enough)

In essence, he got his love for the game back as he had a break, a break that I should have clued into he needed as his parent, but like many parents, I “assumed” that he wanted to keep playing year after year, so from that point going forward I asked both him and my daughter if they wanted to keep playing or try other sports.

I can’t emphasize enough for you to do so with your kids, and also the importance of recognizing that their journey will be over before you know it.

Now that both my kids have aged out of youth sports, although the craziness of driving the to all their practices, games, and other activities were insane at times (especially when they overlapped and had to decide how to juggle), the one thing that my son and I did after he took that season off was read “Bobby’s Orr’s – My Story”

One of the biggest takeaways in thet book he and my son had was the fact that Bobby’s Dad, Doug, unlike Wayne’s Dad Walter, never coached Bobby.  What he did do, however, like all the other amazing youth sports parents that rarely get acknowledge for being so supportive like all those we call the silent majority (over 90% of sports parents are supportive, positive) vs. the vocal minority (the 5-10% of parents who are the ones screaming at kids, officials, coaches) in the stands.

Doug would be that parent like many that drove Bobby to all of his practices, games and share with him the following quote below;

 

 

When my son did return back to junior camps, his junior spring hockey team, and other teams when I was dropping him off for practices, games or other activities I would ask him … Hey Bud .. .what are you going to do today?

His answer every time was …

Dad, I am just going to go out there, have fun, and see what happens with a HUGE smile on his face.

He would still be playing adult recreational hockey this season had we not been dealing with COVID, but for me, and for every parent, coach I interact with, our greatest reward is to ensure that our kids or players love the game more at the end of the season and play well into their adulthood with those same huge smiles so we can continue to Love Watching Them Play.

PS Tagline - Dont be a kids last coach

 

Why Mentoring is so rewarding

Posted Glen MulcahyPosted in Athlete, Coach

To say that the last few months have been a “wee bit” hectic for me would be a little bit of an understatement, but has all been positive as we continue to move the needle forward working with coaches, parents, officials and other youth sports stakeholders.

Just this week I had my wrap up call with my alum UBC’s School of Kinesiology mentorship program mentee, Wade, and was so proud how he not only met but exceeded his goals that we established at the beginning of the program going back to Oct. 2020.

Unlike many of the students who are enrolled in the Kin program who aspire to become physio, occupational or registered massage therapists, Wade aspires to get into teaching so can coach youth basketball to build on his experience coaching youth at the ages of 8-12.

Over the course of our monthly meetings to ensure we stayed on track for him to meet his goals to better understand the coaching “profession” (as many are volunteers) and build out his network, be better prepared for applying for positions I recommended many books, blogs, videos and he soaked up everything that I recommended like a sponge.

Although I was the one wearing the hat as mentor, much like it has been with fellow coaches, players, and other Kin students as well as co-op students who have worked with me over the years, I was reminded just how rewarding it was for me to also learn from him as well.

As I lost my father at a really young age, it was the coaches and teachers that I had growing up that made me who I am today which is why I believe so strongly in paying it forward to mentor, teach, provide guidance and also tough love when needed to help the next generation of coaches, teachers and numerous other professions develop in to amazing people.

It also reminded me had it not been for a few of those amazing teachers and coaches that I would not be where I am today, quite possibly if my path continued in my early teens with “friends” who were getting into drugs, criminal activities I would not have gone to UBC and be the first of my many cousins to graduate from University, start numerous business ventures, or coached numerous sports myself for over 20 years.

As I have shared in many talks and conversations over the years, probably the greatest anecdote I have received regarding our purpose as coaches (which can also be teachers, managers) is not to make a living…..

….our calling and true purpose is to make a difference developing youth into adults.

When we were wrapping up our final mentorship meeting, Wade shared with me how excited he was that he had exceeded 100 people in his Linked in network which was one of the goals we set (believe he had 27 people when we initially connected back in October) so was one of the many goals he accomplished we celebrated.

The following day I received a notification that Wade had posted in his Linked in account that I was tagged in so I opened it up and this is what he shared;

 

 

I must confess, I was a little weepy eyed when I read it because (a) how many people responded from his expanded network and (b) how much an impact that I had on a young man who I believe is going to be a GREAT Coach/Teacher in future and (c) how much I learned from him at the same time.

As coaches in youth sports, don’t ever underestimate the power that you have to be a positive role model for the kids you coach, although at times you may feel that coaching youth sports is a lot of work (which I know first hand how much work coaches do) and little or no financial compensation, the greatest reward you will receive is when they thank you for being such a positive influence.

Thank you Wade for the opportunity to provide you insight and to learn from you as well.

PS Tagline - Dont be a kids last coach

 

Ode to Joey

Posted Glen MulcahyPosted in Athlete, Coach, Organization Executive, Parents

As an avid hockey fan due to playing, coaching  and now coaching coaches for many years, one of the things I look forward to is the start of the season, starting with getting back to the ice for minor hockey and then when the NHL ramps up with exhibition games and the first Hockey Night in Canada on Saturday.

As I moved often growing up including a stint living in the Northwest Territories on Baffin Island, it was one of my vivid memories growing up watching games on Saturday’s on CBC with my family.

As a result of the COVID-19 pandemic going back to March 2020, however, the start dates for completion of last season when teams entered the Edmonton Bubble and Tampa won the cup in July, and uncertainty when the next season would start up until recently in January 2021, the passing of one of Canada’s true Icons was not shared until recently.

Before the start of the Vancouver Canucks Game vs. Edmonton Oilers, the oilers did an amazing tribute to two they lost during the break of past coach/general manager John Muckler (Jan 4, 2021) and their long term locker room assistant Joey Moss (Oct 26, 2020) who Wayne Gretzky helped get a job with the Oilers and became close friends.

As Wayne eloquently shared at the beginning of the documentary that was shared on Sportsnet the following day (Anything for Joey), he wanted to help Joey as he was an amazing young man who had down’s syndrome but as all of the players and those that evolved to executive ranks shared during the documentaries Joey was the one that taught them core values, not the other way around.

Joey started his role with the Oilers in their glory days, when they went on to win their 4 Stanley Cups and many of their players on those teams shared insight how much of an impact Joey made on them. Then players for subsequent teams also shared nuggets from the 90’s until his passing in Oct 2020.

In addition to Wayne Gretzky, Grant Fuhr, Keven Lowe, Pasani, Kelly Buckberger, Taylor Hall, Raffi Torres, Connor McDavid, Leon Drisital, Sam Gagner, Ryan Smith, Shane Corson and others shared how he made such a positive impact on them during their time playing for the Oilers.

Several of his siblings (he had 12 brothers/sisters) also shared stories about Joey.

Some of my big takeaways …

Always smiling – Love the Game – Loved to Hamm it up – Could give as much he took – Was an ambassador for Edmonton – Loved to Sing (AKA Belt) the Canadian Anthem (I looked forward to seeing Joey sing before Edmonton home games, much like Mark Donnelly for Canucks games) – Taught us patience – Made us better people – Kept Game in Perspective – Was there to cheer us up after a tough loss – Could count on him to get things done

The biggest one for me and sharing it as our quote of the week he would share with everyone around him especially when they were down, had a tough night, team had a tough loss

 

 

Having been one who has suffered a lot of adversity myself, I have always tried to have the half-full approach as things can only get better which is whey Joey’s favorite saying really resonates with me.

When Wayne asked Glen Sather if they could find work for Joey he said absolutely and he became their locker room attendant and then Wayne reached out to the Edmonton Eskimo’s Equipment manager where Joey was working a similar role and joined the Oilers in 1984-85 season (coincidentally during their legacy Stanley Cup run).

In the off season he worked in a similar capacity for the CFL Edmonton (Eskimos) Football Team

During his tenure with both organizations;

The Oilers won the Stanley Cup in 1984/1985/1987/1988 and 1990 and lost in 2006 although Joey delayed hernia surgery so he could be with the team during their amazing run in 06.

Wayne was traded to the LA Kings after their 88 Cup victory and the first time that he returned to Edmonton as a King  he went to see was Joey who told him “Sorry Wayne but I can’t talk to you”, but like Wayne, every other player that was traded when they returned Northlands, Rexall Place they too would go see Joey to give him a hug, share a few words and see his infectious smile.

He also worked in a similar role in the hockey off season for the Edmonton (Eskimos) CFL team where they went on to win their 6 of 14 Grey Cups in 1987, 1987. 1993, 2003, 2005 and 2015).

11 CUPS between the two organizations who had numerous hall of fame inductees and various other awards !!!

WHO else in professional sports can say they have been part of so many cup runs?  No one  …. and now due to free agency, salary caps and everything else now, getting to ONE cup final in itself is a big accomplishment, let alone winning the final game or legacies with multiple cups as the Oilers and Eskimos have done in Edmonton.

Joey also was acknowledged by the NHL in 2003 for his contributions with the Seventh Man Award (given to NHL members that make a difference behind the scenes) and inducted in the Alberta Sport Hall of Fame in 2015

The Oilers also founded “The Joey Moss Cup” inner squad game trophy that award every year and many of former players shared they all wanted to win coveted cup for bragging rights.

 

Current Player Leon Drisital shared “He’s probably the biggest legend in this town” and in the video below Wayne shares he has more championships than Hugh Campbell (5 Grey Cups) due to his long tenure with both of Edmonton’s professional teams during their Stanley and Grey Cup Runs.

One would hope that the NHL consider Joey being considered for the Hockey Hall of Fame for his amazing contributions to the game, the impact he had on so many players, coaches and the fans.

According to Equipment Manager, training camp would not start until Joey was there, sadly the Oilers camp for this season started without him as will others in future BUT he will forever be with them and all of us in spirit, I suspect with a microphone belting out the Canadian Anthem ….

We could all learn to be better people from the legacy Joey left behind.

Kudos to the Oilers and then Sportsnet for their amazing tributes in his memory and when I or others get down around me as we continue to claw our way back from this crazy pandemic will share “Feel Good – Why not?”

Below is the interview that Wayne Gretzky had where he shares many of the amazing anecdotes about Joey a few days after he passed away in October.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Win with Humility, lose with dignity

Posted Glen MulcahyPosted in Athlete, Coach, Parents

Happy New Year Everyone, hard to believe that 2020 is now behind us and hopefully will see a better normal in 2021.

Like many, I shut down our office Dec 18th and returned back on Monday Jan 4th and as I reconnected with many of my Canadian counterparts in particular when I asked how their holiday break was the answers were literally all the same …”had a opportunity to spend quality time with immediate family due to limits on social gathering, got lots of rest, watched many of the World Junior Games, read some books”

Same for yours truly, this fall proved to be the business Oct-Mid December timeframe I have had in years a result of various summits, coach clinics, webinars I hosted and when Dec 18th rolled around was really looking forward to doing the same.

As I watched Team Canada on their run starting with their first warmup game on Dec 23rd and sadly lost their team captain, Kirby Dach early in the game to a broken wrist (I knew right away when I watched him head off the ice as have dealt with several players over the years that did the same) I thought to myself what a crappy way to start.

Hockey Canada CEO Tom Renney left the bubble to take Kirby to the hospital and was forced to quarantine in his room for another 5 days as a result but said when interviewed later in the tournament that it was the right thing to do, Kirby’s family could not be with him due to safety protocols and Kudos to Tom for doing so.

 

As the team entered the round robin and won games by significant margins (highest being against Germany 16-2) what impressed me the most is how they won the games with humility.

Unfortunately one of the tournament tie breakers is goals differential and when teams enter the cross over round goals for and against may impact their placement, but one of the rules that the IIHF implemented to limit blowouts was enforcing running time like they do in minor hockey tournaments.

When I watched the last game with my family much like many other Canadian families did on Tuesday I wore the same Hockey Canada Hoodie that I had since the first warm-up game and after the second goal was scored by Team USA early in the second period I went and got my Hockey Canada Hat and reversed as a rally cap as had done for years playing baseball/softball/slo-pitch but Spencer Knight and the rest of the USA team just did not give Canada much by keeping them outside the dots (limited high % scoring chances) other than a handful vs. what had been the case against other teams they faced.

When Bowen Byram, alternating Captain for the game required for IIHF rules (although Kirby remained captain on the team even though injured) was handing out medals to his teammates I could see the raw of emotion and disappointment that he had and brought back vivid memories for me for many of the teams I coached over the years when I was doing the same, handing out either the bronze or silver medals to my players after a tough loss.

What I would tell all of them before we hit the ice or the field for that last game of a tournament was three things much like coaches I had did growing up;

  1. You worked hard to get to this game and all anyone can ask of you is for you to leave everything you have on the ice or the field and when the game is over whatever the outcome you can hold your head high

 

  1. Make sure that you win with humility or lose with dignity, after the game no one should know whether you won or lost, there is nothing worse than when teams rub salt in a wound with excessive celebrations when they win or poor sportsmanship when they lose

 

AND

 

  1. Most importantly, go out there, don’t worry if you make a mistake as your team mates will have your back and you will have our support as coaches and have FUN, getting to the final game in tournaments does happen often, relish the moment.

 

These three messages were shared with me over and over as I played numerous competitive sports and helped me overcome the adversity of tough losses like Canada’s young men experienced this year as well as taught me the importance of humility when we did win gold medals, banners, tournaments etc.

It also served me well for post-game talks as a coach, whether we pulled off the win or had a tough loss, to share how proud I was and reinforce how proud the players parents were of their kids for their amazing runs whether it be at a tournament or the end of a season, provincials etc.

Probably the best post game talk I have ever seen is one I wish I had seen early on in my coaching career, when David Belisle talked to the little league world series team he coached after being knocked out of the tournament I have shared in talks for both parents and coaches.

 

 

Whatever sport you are coaching, whether it be individual or a team sport, please ensure that you teach your players the same valuable lessons, as it is our responsibility as coaches not to make a living, but rather make a difference by developing youth into adults.

Kudos to Team Canada for their amazing run this year dealing with all of the adversity from losing the team captain out of the gate, challenges of the bubble, quarantine, being apart from their families with no fans in the stands and making all of us in Canada proud.

I am already looking forward to watching the next world juniors which also will be held in Edmonton/Red Deer in December but this time the fans, including the amazing supportive parents, should be in the stands to cheer on their sons as they chase their dreams wearing their countries national jerseys.

 

Don`t be a kids last coach

The Life Lessons I learned through Sports – Part I

Posted Glen MulcahyPosted in Athlete, Coach, Parents

This coming week I will be doing a talk on how sport teaches life lessons.

The majority of kids who play sports when I grew up played multiple sports and many went on to play beyond high school, but unlike the craziness we have seen in the adultification and professionalization of youth sports I am many of my colleagues have highlighted in recent years, we continue to play sports because we loved the game, had met and met great friends, wanted to continue being active and so on.

The first slide that I will be sharing for the talk this week revolves around the various life lessons that I learned both as a player and now as a coach for decades and thought I would share the #1 life lesson I learned early on…Commitment … and will share others in a subsequent post.

Commitment: As a Player

Probably the greatest life lesson I learned from sports was the importance of commitment which was a result of losing my father when I was 8 years old to a tragic accident mid way thru the baseball season that he had stepped up to coach my team.  My father had played baseball all the way up to AA level and I remember how excited I was when he said he was going to coach my team.

Due to the nature of his job, this was the first, and sadly the last time he was able to do so which is one of the driving reasons why I committed to coach as a many of my kids teams as possible, but one of the things he use to share with me over and over again was the importance of honouring your commitment.

When he died it was half way thru our baseball season and at the service I remember telling my mother and Nanny (grandmother) that I was going to quit baseball because I lost Dad and could not finish the season as a result.

To which both said, No, your Dad would not want you to and you will finish the season.

I was able to as one of the assistant coaches took over as the head coach of the team and remember how he pulled me aside when came back for the first practice after my Dad died and he spent what seemed like an eternity with me in the dugout talking to me about how he would do what he could to help me, offered to be a sounding board whenever I wanted to talk and even offered to drive me with his son and wife to all practices and games as my Mother did not drive.

As a result of the support that he provided me I finished the season and continued to play many more years, including the competitive level and then played and then played both hardball and Competitive Slo-pitch as an adult for many years.

 

Commitment: As a Coach

Fast Forward to when I was coaching a minor hockey team of the same age (they would now be U9, then was Major Novice) and my life came around full circle.

Just as the season was starting up, one of my players lost his dad in a very similar tragedy as I did and I am unsure who was more messed up, he and his family or I.  It brought back a flood of memories when I was the same age as well as all the emotions I dealt with over they years and thanks to great coaches they kept me on track to stay the course or I could have gone in a completely different direction.

For the better part of the season I would call his mother, go visit him at home, chat with him when he did come to practices and games (I told him to take whatever time he needed when he was dealing with emotions) but much like I did finishing my baseball season, I made sure that he finished the hockey season including an end of season tournament where one of my favorite memories was him playing game boy on a bench with a huge smile on his face with my son beside him eating a hotdog and another player.

That summer he reached out to me with his Mom and said he needed to take the year off, he missed his Dad so much and the rink just brought to many memories.

I made a deal with him he could take the year off provided that he made a commitment to return the following season as that is what his father would aspire for him to do and he agreed.

I went to his house several times that season and even took him to a Canucks game thank to comp tickets I received from the association, and when registration time period came up in May/June the following year I went to see him and his Mother and he agreed to sign up for the following year.

The only stipulation?

That I had to be his coach.

I said to him … without hesitation although I did not know at the time what I had in fact committed to.

Later that summer my son tried out for and made the AAA team which I was asked to co-coach but I still honoured my promise to coach 80CC (my nickname for the player as he also loved Motor bikes) and reached out to the division manager that I would protect him in the draft as we were able do for our sons.

He said – no brainer, great that you are doing what you’re a doing but are you sure you can handle two teams?

Fortunately at the time I had a lot of flexibility as was self-employed and told him yes and was able to make it work even though there were weeks where I was on the ice 6 times or more plus I was also in the early years of facilitating Hockey Canada NCCP clinics for BC Hockey.

Several times that year the parents on the AAA team would applaud me for stepping up to coach him as well as the rest of the kids and we brought my team on the ice a few times to scrimmage and even affiliated him to come to practices when he was up to it.

On our other team I asked my daughter to create the sign “Play Like a Champion Today” (which is now at the top of the stairs in my office) that I would bring to every game and before the game in lieu of talking about systems, tactics we would talk about core values like sportsmanship, communication, selflessness and many other life lessons that I wanted to instill in the players as my coaches had done for me.

He made it to literally every practice, game and tournaments we entered that season and at the end he walked up to me and extended his small 10 year old hand and said “Thanks Coach”

There are some memories that you have as a coach, and that was one of them, to be able to help a kid who lost his father much like I had reminded me that everything happens for a reason, and it also reminded me of the biggest life lesson I could have learned, the importance of commitment.

Although my son and my paths went in the AAA path, 80CC continued to play every year at the recreational level and was one of the top players and could have played competitively but opted not so he could snowboard, bike, water ski and various other activities.

His mother would share with me over the years had it not been for my commitment to him to ensure he stayed on track, she really was not sure where he would have ended up.

The same held true for me, had it not been for the great coaches and teachers I had growing up, who knows where I would have ended up.

Fortunately for me, the importance of commitment and numerous other life lessons I learned helped steer me down the right path which is all I have aspired for all the players I coached and now remind coaches to do the same.

Remember, your calling as a coach is not to make a living, it is to make a difference developing youth into adults.

Please ensure that your legacy is a positive one and you are not a kids last coach