This coming Monday I will be returning back to Nanaimo to speak on behalf of Changing the Game Project hosted by Nanaimo Minor Hockey who is working with various other sports groups to develop an amazing sports experience for the kids in their community.
As I was when I made the ferry trip in October, I am truly honored to be invited to share nuggets but also interact with so many amazing people who are passionate about quality sport.
I came across some great nuggets the last few weeks that I will be sharing in the presentation that thought would be great to share on this week’s newsletter as well.
Why do Kids play Sports?
Simple, they play because they’re fun, they quit when they’re not. It’s NOT Rocket science.
This is the quote that I have shared for years and it really comes down to just that. What our role as parents, coaches should be, however, is not just making sure that youth sports are fun, but they should also ensure that kids love the sports they are playing more at the end of a SEASON than they did at the beginning.
Due to the growth of early sports specialization, however, there are no more seasons to youth sports, and in lieu of PLAYING sports, kids WORK sports for over 10 months of the year
As Wade Gilbert, the Coaches Doc, shares in many of his talks … do kids ask you Mom, Dad can I WORK Hockey? WORK Soccer? No, they ask you if they can PLAY baseball, PLAY football and so on.
The more I thought about the reason why kids played a sport for more than one season is this held true, I Loved the Sport more at the end of a season that I could hardly wait to return to play again. This was because when the season ended in March, I hung up my skates to play baseball, golf, go to the beach, ride bikes, hike, swim, tennis and so many other activities so when the season started again in Sept I missed the rink, my buddies, coaches and was eager to start another season.
Thank you for being a sport that helps me with other sports.
Why then do Officials (refs, umpires) start or continue to officiate?
According to the largest survey I have come across today over 17,000 officials were asked why and the #1 Answer was “For the Love of the Game”.
See below for the other top 10 reasons why they started and continue to be officials.
Other reasons included staying fit, challenge self, be part of the competitive sport, have a hobby and near the bottom was reward/recognition and lowest motivator was the fact that they had a child playing the sport. This is probably due to the fact that a lot of officials start before they are parents, and ironically one of the motivators that organizations do is provide stipends for refs to do so so if get enough games, they can have a decent part-time income of the course of those seasons.
Why do Coaches Coach?
Ironically, when I have surveyed grassroots coaches over the years in clinics or talks and asked them why they coached, the #1 answer is because they had skin in the game, they stepped up to coach because their kids were playing and either asked them to coach OR a board member runs around the field, rinks at the beginning of the season asking for help.
I was one of those “suckers” initially putting my hand up to help on ice when board members came calling when my son was 5 starting hockey or my 7-year-old daughter in softball and 15 years and hundreds of kids later, I still put my hand up, now is to mentor the coaches of kids so they can help them become the best people they can become.
See below for the other reasons why Coaches Coach that I hear over and over again when I prompt coaches why they are coaching;
The second reason, whether they are a parent or not, is coaches step up to coach For the Love of the Game, they love the game and everything that it did for them, that they want to give back/pay it forward to help others reap the same benefits.
Many of which shared they are coaching so kids don’t have a BAD coach like they did when they grew up (which sadly there are still coaches even with all the certification coaches have today that coach the way they had been coached)
One reason that parents may not be aware of, coaches have also shared with me and I can relate, they are at the games anyway, drive to the practices and no point going home, so they put their hand up to help coach. They also do so, as I did, to be away from the gossip that parents at times will share amongst themselves or worse yet those would be too vocal and scream coaching instructions at their kids or critique them/coaches or officials.
Another interesting stat came out of official vs. coach surveys, although officials receive fees and some coaches get honorariums for coaching now, neither officials or coaches stated when surveyed they started or continued to do so for the $$ in their top 10 reasons for doing so.
They do so not only because they love the game, and a few weeks into a season realize they also love being with kids as they have adopted large families when they start coaching.
Now let’s talk about why these three key stakeholders QUIT the Sports they once loved
Why do kids Quit Sports?
They not only quit because they are no longer fun, but they quit because the lost the passion, love for the game they once had and for various reasons lost their way in a sense.
More often than not, they no longer love for the game as they have been deprived of the opportunity to play in all key situations in games, have had adults screaming at them when made mistakes or have been on teams where harassment has taken place to some extent.
They quit because the games are no longer about what snacks they get after the games and being with their buds in the dressing room, hanging out in dugouts or sidelines it is about the results of the game that takes the focus due to winning at all costs.
They also quit because they can’t afford it any longer due to travel, equipment, spiraling fees and all the other costs now associated with youth sports unlike the “good old days” where you community sports were just that, played in the community or at high schools with low, no fees and even could use the same pair of cleats for 3 different sports as I did (baseball, rugby and football)
Why Do Officials Quit?
#1 Reason Poor Sportsmanship
As I shared in a prior post “Why do officials officiate” the #1 reason why officials quit is due to poor sportsmanship.
In the NASO study of over 17,000 officials, almost 40% of the respondents stated that parents caused the most problems with sportsmanship, followed by just shy of 30% of coaches.
When asked who is responsible for improving sportsmanship, over half stated coaches were.
Why?
Because they are the catalysts for change.
They interact with their players, assistant coaches, officials, board members and parents but also coaches and players of other teams, perhaps even their parent groups.
If coaches do not talk the talk but also walk the walk and demonstrate and expect good sportsmanship then whom is going to improve it?
They also quit because they are concerned about their safety, over 40% of male and female officials are due to administrator, parent, coach or player behavior
Even worse, they are intimidated by their fellow officials who will criticize them during games?
I just came across this extreme video where one parent kept telling the refs after a call he did not agree with “would see them after the game” (meaning we will duke it out in the parking lot – really?), but the entire group of parents and fans were ejected from a youth soccer game due to their behavior and threats towards young officials (about the same age of the players they were officiating)
This after each day I came across similar parental behavior, coach abuse towards players or officials, series of articles about sexual abuse, or various issues at minor hockey associations I shared in last week’s post “When will the culture of Youth Sports change for the better?”
Why do Coaches Quit?
Coaches, like players and officials, are either not putting their hand up, to begin with due to lack of willingness to “deal with” parents OR are quitting due to frustrations of the problems they had “dealt” with over their coaching careers. This is why the most common ask I receive is “who do I deal with parents” to which I counter, it is not about dealing with parents, it is all about how you engage them as allies.
Over 80% of coaches surveyed by Syracuse.com stated that parent issues had gotten worse over their careers, the #1 problem they dealt with by over 80% of the respondents was parents complaining about their kids playing time.
IF a coach is playing everyone equally so they all have an opportunity to contribute to the outcome of the game in ALL situations this would be a non-issue (the exception being when kids need to be disciplined for behavioral issues).
I argue that coaches in a sense are a victim of their own demise, due to our winning at all costs culture, many coaches who may have had the best of intentions when they started coaching fall into the trap of running short benches starting from the beginning of the game and parents are merely venting their frustration as they ALL PAY THE SAME $ so expect all kids to PLAY THE SAME amount of time.
Again it comes down to pointing fingers at one of the key stakeholders that impacts what should be a quality and positive sports experience and the majority of the issues could be avoided from the GET GO.
In lieu, the officials blame the parents, the coaches blame the officials, players or parents, the parents blame the coaches, officials or board members blame the parents and goes round and round in circles like the merry go round at schools I loved when I was a kid (which kids can’t ride anymore as they may get hurt?)
When then are we going to stop pointing fingers at each other and understand the motivation for the players, officials, coaches to begin with?
They started because wanted to try a sport For the Love of the Game, they continue to do so for the same reason, and they quit because they lost that Love and passion they had to start with due the various issues that have taken the Play out of Play Ball.
In lieu of pointing fingers, what I suggest to all parties concerned is bury the axe, work on collaborating so it is a quality sports experience for ALL stakeholders so they all can do so For the Love of the Game.
Let’s all work together to bring the game back to the kids ….. where it belongs.